Band of Brothers

Band of Brothers

Sunday, August 20, 2006

When in Deep Shit, Keep Your Mouth Shut

It's been quite sometime since my last blog. Life's been so fast and furious for the last couple of weeks that living on the edge would be an understatement of sorts. When you hit the deck at five in the morning and your alarm drags you out of the darkest caverns of slumber at six forty sharp (otherwise Shastriji would facilitate your first DGP) you don't just get out of bed, stretch n say 'morning to your roomies. Firstly you don't register where you are and more alarmingly you don't realize who you are! When realization does hit you, you have lost five precious minutes which would mean that you got to skip the loo. At least that way you would have an excuse for not going through the pains of the sacred Kapal Bhathi. That's how a normal day at IIFT commences. The hours fly by at an excruciating pace, which could be too fast or too slow depending on the situation you find yourself in, with you always trying to outsmart and outrun yourself. Everyday exposes you to a plethora of experiences. So varied are they that the mind often fails to register them later. Few of them would be so colourful that they'll manage to paint your memory bright and vivid forever.

We, at IIFT, are an innovative lot. So much so that we often tend to carry it a bit too far. So sleep deprived we are that it almost becomes our birthright to sleep during lectures. The art is that we can't afford to get caught; you know that fine line between a hero and a zero, but as Murphy's law goes, anything that can go wrong, definitely will, we often find ourselves on the wrong side of the line, with the wrong kind of people around. Such was the case with our dearest Mr. Anuj Jain. Now Mr. Jain is one of the most diligent folks of our batch. His motto seems to be, "Tension leneka aur deneka bhi!" Though he prefers to call it precaution for some obscure reason. As a result the gentleman doesn't get enough sleep in the night. The poor chap doesn't get to blink an eyelid in class as his permanent seat's right under the nose of the lecturer but as the saying goes every dog has its day and so did our beloved Anuj.

Our Economics lecturer, Miss Pushpa Kumari, allows us to sit as we please. That fateful morning Anuj managed to grab a seat in a strategic position; bang in the middle of the class! Geographically speaking it was a disaster in the making. The professor was through with almost an hour of the class. The class duration vs intensity of sleep graph is always exponential and there I was, really fighting a losing battle against myself to keep awake. Primarily because I din't wish to keep awake in the first place. My only aspiration at that moment was to fade away into the realms of the oblivion without Pushpa Kumari noticing the divine transition. An Economics class early in the morning can be a stronger opiate than most of its kind ever experienced by any drug abuser.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. Many of us usually are so far gone beyond the realms of consciousness that we couldn't care less if the professor's watching or not. So the virtues of courage and judgement are quite irrelevant here. Nevertheless for people as diligent as Anuj, sleeping in class is an academic evil, precariously hanging on the verge of being a social taboo but that morning history was to be made 'coz Anuj Jain was about to doze off and more disastrously he was also going to get caught. You can't really blame the poor chap. He was no expert in the art of cognition faking. You sit in the middle of the class with no frontal cover, which is another way of saying that you are a sitting duck, and more importantly you also try to concentrate; buddy you could have as well stretched out on Pushpa Kumari's table!

Hey wait guys! This is not the end of the fiasco. In fact it's just the beginning. Anuj probably had never ever found himself in such an embarrassing situation in his ever so serious, no non-sense life. He perhaps was already elevating himself to the status of a martyr, albeit without a cause, when he thought better of it and decided that drastic situations call for drastic measures. But my dear friend not when you have just come out of a nice little nap. "Mam, I wasn't sleeping. I was actually thinking about what you said with my eyes closed!" No more, no less. Anuj Jain at his innovative or inventive best (I leave it for you to decide) made this statement in all due earnest, with a perfectly straight face, in the middle of the class. There was pin drop silence for all of five seconds. Even I was sitting wide awake trying to figure out if what I had just heard was due to some post-nap effect or figment of my imagination when I ran out of time. The roar of laughter that thundered in the room for the next two minutes had said it all. I mean people were like, "DUDE, WHAT WERE U THINKING?" A perfect copy book example of thinking on the feet, or perhaps thinking with the feet would be more appropriate! I am sure Anuj would rate this very 'thoughtful' incident as one of his most embarrassing moments but he inadvertantly also taught everyone of us present there a very important lesson - when in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!


Sunday, August 06, 2006

Indian Insitute of Foreign Trade
Our Very Own Gas Master

Life at IIFT was never going to be easy and neither was I expecting it to be. I've been through the so called Hostel Life during my engineering years and I've been there, seen this and done that. Life can be very monotonous if it isn't for the awe inspiring and colourful characters who you'll invariably bump against in a hostel. IIFT has been no exception. I was thinking about starting off my blogging career and what better way to start than to talk of our very own Gas Master. You'll come to appreciate the entire concept and importance of gas here at IIFT once I'm through with this blog.

It's been only three weeks here and already we've been able to categorize our mates here in accordance to their forte. I, for one, am unparallel at sleeping almost anywhere imaginable and perhaps unimaginable but that is not the topic of discussion today. Like in any classroom you will definitely find a group of eager students pretty desperate to impress the lecturer or perhaps someone else. It's no different here. Here at IIFT we've some bajuwords (read buzzwords). These enthusiasm personified characters are tagged for their ACP (Arbitrary Class Participation) and DCP (Desperate Class Participation). Incidentally our DCP king is also our Gas Master; apna very own Naval Goel!

Why exactly Naval has the dubious distinction of being crowned the Gas kingpin will be evident in a little while. Just keep reading. It was just another soporific, innocuous statistics class. I wouldn't have been able to recall the class today if it wasn't for the antics of Mr. Naval Goel. The topic of discussion in class was probability and the lecturer was using that historical cliche of the two die. He had just finished saying that obtaining a 3 and a 4 are two different cases and was about to proceed with a more complex example when entered the scene the Gas Master. "I've a question sir," he said with curiosity blazing in his eyes. "Sir, in that case if we get a 4 and a 4 then they should be considered as two different cases, right?" Though no one will ever doubt Naval Goel's IQ level (he's a very intelligent chap) but whether that was a genuine doubt or he did it on purpose, no matter how obscure that purpose may be, I'll never know. It's gas at its very best. I don't know about the lecturers but to the students Naval has been catapulted to an iconic status in no time. He has mastered the art of opening his mouth at the wrong time and at the wrong place. Strangely he invariably gets away with it. Probably it's his all-thirty-two-out face or maybe the lecturers just consider it below their dignity to react to his stupidity. Attribute it to his ever smiling countenance or his friendly know-all nature, you actually end up thanking him for his foolhardiness. If not for him and his likes classes would have been a painful drudgery.

Naval's escapades can fill up a diary as thick as our Kotler perhaps. Ask him why he does this and you will a grave reply, "Arrey yaar kisiko tho responsibility lena padega na thum sleepy boys ko jagake rakhne ka." In a way he is right. I can't fault his impeccable logic. Never mind the fact that the gas emitting from him can be very often downright asphyxiating. As if he's permanently afflicted with acute acidity but he's not perturbed and we are slowly getting used to this very arbitrary gassing. If you guys want to know more about gassing and the intrigues of the Gas King please feel free to let me know. After all he sits right next to me in class. I have often considered wearing a gas mask. Okay, I admit, that was a sad one but then so much of gas is bound to have its effects, isn't it?